mutant project

JOKES! SEASON IV IS BACK!
FOR OUR FIRST JOKE.....
1)Three guys were standing at the top of the Empire State Building in NYC.
The first guy says to the second, "You know, the wind currents are so
strong here in NYC that one could step off the edge of the building and literally float
in mid-air due to the upward thrust of the thermal air current."
"No way, man, you're crazy," said the second guy to the first.
So the first guy steps off the edge of the building and justs floats in mid-air for
about 20 seconds and then returns to the roof of the building.
The second guy is simply thrilled and says, "Watch me do that" as he steps from
the edge roof into the open air.
Of course he falls like a stone straight down all the way to the
waiting pavement below--SPLAT!
The third guy, who has remained quiet the entire time, leans over to
the first guy and say, "You know something Superman, sometimes you can be a real *****!"
cc2)Two elderly, lifelong friends and avid golf players were sitting on a park
bench discussing the possibilities of life in the hereafter and Heaven.
They agreed that the first one to pass on would try to contact the survivor.
A few months later, the eldest, John, died.
His friend, Bill, was disconsolate, but a week after the funeral, he was awakened
in the middle of the night by John, standing at the foot of his bed.
'Bill,' he said, 'I've got good news and bad news about Heaven. First the good news.
The whole place is one tremendous golf course that changes every time you play it!
The fairways are ideal, very few roughs, challenging bunkers, great food and drinks
at the 19th hole, palatial homes, and eternal youth!'
Bill got very excited. 'Great,' he replied, 'but what could possibly be
the bad news?'
John said, 'You're due to tee up at 1:00 PM on Saturday.'

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3)A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few
hours to spare one afternoon.
He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he
could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.
Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the
tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone.
Not being able to say no, he allowed the old man to join him.
To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly.
He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.
Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself
with a tough shot.
There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly
between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit
the shot, the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age,
I hit the ball right over that tree."
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard,
hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk
and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.
The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age, that
pine tree was only 3 feet tall."
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4)A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother.
The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow,
your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep.
The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still
blind, my wish didn't come true!".'
The mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"

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5)One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the
kitchen sink.
She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair.
She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me
cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this
revelation for a while and then asked, "Momma, how come all of grandma's hairs
are white?"
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6)Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day.
Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to
tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and
I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths.
So what's your story?"
So the first man replies: "Well, today I came home early . As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal anything. Finally, I went out to the balcony, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! I started beating on him and kicking him, but he did not fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on
his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I could not stand it anymore, so I ran
into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him,
killing him instantly.
But all the and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."
"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story."It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my
apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and
caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when
he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let
go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes
me instantly, and now I'm here."
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.The third
man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story."Picture this," says the third man, "I was hiding inside a refrigerator..."