mutant project

WELCOME
THE THIRD SEASON OF JOKE TIME IS BACK!
THIS TIME....
JOKES.....
MORE FUNNIER
MORE JOKES.......
READ ON................


1)The huge lion was stalking proudly through the jungle when he came upon a leopard.
'Leopard!' snarled the lion menacingly, 'who is the King of the Jungle?'
'You are, Lion!' said the leopard nervously, and slunk away.
Further down the jungle path the lion met a monkey.
'Raaaarrrrgh!' roared the lion.
'Monkey! Who is the King of the Jungle?'
'Oh, you are, Lion,' said the monkey, cowering away.
Then the lion confronted an elephant.
'Elephant!' commanded the lion, 'who is the King of the Jungle?'
Without a word the elephant picked up the lion in his trunk and hurled him against a tree.
He then picked up the lion again and slammed him down on the ground a few more times before throwing the half-dead lion into a thick bramble patch.
'All right, all right!' mumbled the bleeding, battered lion, 'no need to get cross just because you don't know the answer!'
..............................................................

2)Two hunters from Moscow charter a small plane to fly them to Siberia to go bear hunting.
On landing, the pilot says, “Remember, this plane can only fly with two hunters, one pilot, and ONE bear.”
The hunters go out and return with two bears.
So the pilot says, “I told you ONE bear!”
But the hunters point out that the previous year, on payment of an extra 100 rubles, the pilot had let them put two bears on board.
After long discussion centering on the impossibility of the thing and the disgraceful degree of inflation, the pilot takes 200 rubles and with much pushing and shoving the hunters get aboard with the two bears.
After struggling into the air and fitfully flying for about two hours, the plane gives up and plummets to the earth in a snowbank.
Climbing out from under the snow and the bears, the hunters ask the pilot where he thinks they are.
The pilot says, “About the same place where we crashed last year.”

..............................................................

3)The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.
The President decides to give them a test.
He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest.
They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.
The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
..............................................................

4)A young executive is working late one evening.
As he comes out of his office about 8pm, he sees the Big Boss standing by the shredder in the hallway with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Do you know how to work this thing?" the older man asks.
"My secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it."
"Yes sir," said the young executive who turns on the machine, takes the paper from his hand and feeds it in.
"Now," says his boss, "I just need one copy..."

..............................................................

5)A very rich lawyer is approached by a man.
The man is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity.
"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..."
"I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money."
The Lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"

..............................................................

SEASON III JOKE TIME THE END